Archive for the ‘balance’ Category

Hubby and I went on a date night last night to a place called Bull and Bones. I had looked online before we went and it said ‘gluten free friendly’ so I thought this would be a great place to go! We got there and asked the waiter if he could tell me what was gluten free. He went to ask and returned and proceeded to tell me that all of their steaks were gluten free–duh, and all their ribs were gluten free if you didn’t get the b’bcue sauce, yada, yada, yada. Problem:1) I do not like steak–I may taste a steak once a year–or less! 2) You could not pay me to eat ribs–tried them–once  3) was NOT in the mood for a salad or chicken. Actually, I wasn’t in the mood for ANYTHING on the menu!! So, what did I order–absolutely NOTHING!! I figured why pay anywhere from $12-$15 for something I don’t even want. Hubby got his ribs and fries and I sat and enjoyed my water. I felt very weird because everyone kept looking at me like I was an outcast! I have never done this before in my whole life, but I was glad I didn’t eat just for the sake of eating.

After hubby ate, we needed to find something that I DID want to eat. We went in an ice cream place, a chocolate store, and a smoothie place and still-NOTHING! Can you believe it? We made our way to the health food store across the street and I FINALLY settled on some millet and flax crackers and hummus. I could eat hummus anytime!

millet and flax cracker with hummus

That hit the spot and I had it again for lunch today:) I also did end up getting a piece of chocolate at the health food store.


I was craving peanut butter, which is kind of weird because I never eat it, but I went with it. I had a few nibbles of this last night and few more at lunch today. I’m trying to make it last 😉

Later, before we came home, I got a small cup of chocolate ice cream with peanut butter cups in it. This was at a different ice cream place than we first went in. It’s called Cold Stone and they have the BEST chocolate ice cream! I don’t know what’s up with the chocolate and peanut butter craving, but it sure did taste good! I was completely satisfied after eating what I really wanted instead of settling for an expensive meal that didn’t appeal to me. I am trying to learn to really pay attention to what my body is craving and I think it is helping me. I’m not as worried about food rules etc. and I didn’t feel one bit guilty over the ice cream!! I can have treats in moderation and there is NOTHING wrong with that 🙂

Have you ever gone out to eat and then ordered nothing?

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

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Happy Thursday morning! I can’t believe it’s Thursday already, but I’m glad because that means tomorrow is Friday! That means I don’t have to work tomorrow 8)

I called this post ‘No More Hiding’ because for a while now, I have just been putting along like I am doing grand, when in reality, I have been sliding down the slippery slope of my old obssession with weight and bad body image. I have decided that it is high time I just be honest and admit, I HAVE REALLY BEEN STRUGGLING!! From now on, I plan to just be myself– for better or for worse!

The last few days have been pretty busy and I have still been working on sticking to my goals that I listed in my last post, but I forgot one. It’s a VERY important one too! I forgot to put on my list–DO NOT WEIGH EVERYDAY!! That can get me back into bondage with food and weight issues faster than you can say ‘Bob’s your uncle’ and I unfortunately had been going down that road. So, my goal is to weigh once a week–or every other week would be even better. I know some people don’t believe in weighing at all, but I’m not ready for that yet 😉

I’m going to see my nutritionist next Friday. I haven’t seen her in over a year and am looking forward to it. I just feel like I need some help getting my head on straight as far as what is best for my body and health. I am also having to step away from reading as many blogs for a while. Sometimes, the more I read, the more confused I get. I put VERY high expectations on myself and then beat myself up if I can’t meet them.

I have also started an online Bible study called ‘In His Image’ that really focuses on finding acceptance and satisfaction in Christ instead of a certain weight etc. AND, I have ordered a book called ‘You Are Not What You Weigh’. I have read this book before and I would recommend it to anyone who has ever struggled with body image etc. I am obviously trying to be very proactive in my fight against old habits! I think if we just sit back and let things slide–we get into BIG trouble!

1 Timothy 1:18-19 says, “I give you this instruction… so that by following them you may fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience.” I am trying to fight the good fight and hold on to faith instead of clinging to the worthless idol of being a certain weight.

Okay, so that was my honesty for the day–now on to some food!

I had the BEST brunch the other day. I bet ya’ll didn’t know that I LOVE burritos! Well, I do. I started out planning to make a tofu and potato hash and it turned into a black bean and potato hash instead. I adore anything with black beans so this really hit the spot!

black bean and tator hash

I shredded a few red potatoes in the food processor and placed them in a skillet with a little oil. Then I added onions, red pepper, zucchini and 1 can black beans. Then I put some of this mixture in a warm brown rice tortilla with a little salsa and pepperjack flavored soy cheese.

my burrito:)

That was the BEST meal I have had in a long time! I am discovering that there are certain types of foods that really get me in the mood to cook, but more about that another day 🙂

Gosh, I better go! It’s not Friday yet, which means I DO have to work today! Hope you all have a fantabulous day 😉

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Okay, so I didn’t stay away very long did I? I still haven’t had time for pics or interesting meals for that matter, but wanted to give a quick update on my P90X journey. In short, it’s over–for now at least. I’m pretty bummed about it but I wanted to explain why the sudden halt. In two words–STREP THROAT!! I have been sick for the last 4-5 days and have been glued to my couch for the past 3! I don’t know which is worse, working my fingers to the bone or being couch ridden for days!

I felt that it was important for me to share something I have learned over the last few days. Actually, this is NOT a new lesson for me, I just don’t always remember lessons learned. So, what is this profound lesson? PUSHING TOO HARD LEADS TO ILLNESS!! I’m not saying it is that way for everybody, but for MY BODY I need to remember my ‘limits’.

When I saw the Dr. the other day, he asked me how my gluten free diet was going and I had to be honest and tell him–not so good. I ate poorly on vacation and just sort of continued that pattern after returning home. On top of poor diet, I began intense exercise and was also working more than usual. All this put together spells disaster for me! This is the first time I have had strep since being diagnosed with Celiac several years ago. Before my diagnoses, I had strep over and over! Eating bad=very bad immune system!

I have also had to re-examine my motives in starting something as intense as P90x when I have struggled so much with being well and staying well. I have been asking myself over the last few days if looking a certain way is worth it and my answer is a BIG NO!! I will admit that I have been struggling with contentment with the body God gave me and I have been figuring out ways to change my body at the expense of good health.

Where do I go from here? I plan on really paying attention to eating foods that give me life and health and staying away from those that bring illness to my body. I also plan on getting back to what I LOVEwalking in the country and Yoga! If I do any P90X at all, it will only be a workout every now and then–for instance to focus on abs, legs etc.  I will also STOP counting calories, carbs, fat etc. That alone has been enough to drive me bananas!

I am totally aware of the fact that I can not do any of this without the grace of God, but I also know that He loves to lavish His children with plenty of grace. 😉 I learned in my Bible study today that we are to do ALL things to the glory of God. If I am just wanting to look a certain way, eat a certain way, or exercise a certain way to bring glory to myself, then my motives are really screwed up.

I need LOTS of prayer to be able to:

1-STOP counting everything I eat

2-Eat foods that bring health and life to my body

3-Stay away from foods that harm my body

4-Do the exercise that I love because I love it!

I love walks in the country



“So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it ALL for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

Is there anything in your life that you need to step back and re-examine your motives? Why do you eat a certain way or exercise a certain way?

I know this was a little long and maybe boring, but I would love feedback. I’m hoping to post often about how I’m doing with  my new goals, so please stop back by 😉

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Hello again from Florida! We are having a great time and really getting some much needed R&R 😉

This post isn’t really about Florida though. It’s about my heart and a confession that I must get off of my chest. Are you ready? 🙂 I am SO TIRED of trying to eat a certain way!! After reading this post by Katie the other day, I had to do some soul searching. I have been struggling for a while now with this whole ‘good’ food, ‘bad’ food thing! I am all happy if I eat ‘good’ foods, but OVERWHELMED with guilt if I eat ‘bad’ foods. I have struggled with food for YEARS and I’m tellin’ ya, it is exhausting! It is certainly not ‘Living Free’!!

So, this morning, I had to spend a good long time talking to God about this. I know in  my head that He loves me even if I eat a brownie and ice cream, but in my heart I always feel guilt. That is NOT guilt from HIM, it is guilt I am putting on myself and I have to learn to STOP!! As Katie said, ‘Diet is NOT a religion.’ AMEN sister!! If diet is the most important thing to me, then what does that say about my relationship with God–umm, not good. I’ve also really enjoyed seeing Heather letting go of some food rules due to pregnancy. I am NOT pregnant, but I DO need to let go of some food rules! It is SO helpful to me to see that other bloggers sometimes eat what a lot of people would label as ‘bad’ foods and they didn’t die or turn into blimps! Check out Heather’s guest post on Maggie’s blog!

TODAY my main goal will be whether I am pleasing GOD and enjoying the life He has given me–NOT whether I am eating perfectly or not. Believe me, it is HARD to eat perfectly at home, much less on vacation 😉 I am praying that God will help me be balanced in my thinking about my body image and balanced in my eating. I think I honeslty don’t know what that looks like most of the time. Usually, if I am eating really healthy, it is because I am forcing myself to do it–it’s more of a performance mentality or fear of getting fat!  Note added: I don’t mean to sound as if I don’t enjoy anything healthy 🙂 There are all kinds of healthy foods that I don’t have to force myself to eat. I just mean that sometimes I choose something because I think it is healthier when I really would rather have something else. Make sense?

So, there you have it–honesty as it’s best worst. How do you keep balance in your eating and body image? Really, I need some tips 😉 Eating healthy, exercising and staying fit have never been about balance for me and I really need to change that!

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Well, I’m back…I think. I have been kind of out of the blogging loop for the past few months and have been contemplating coming back for a while. I took the last few months off to take some time to come to a place of peace with my body and my health. There have been a lot of ups and downs, but I feel like I am at a place of acceptance (most of the time). That doesn’t mean I am sitting back and doing nothing to improve my health anymore. I am just learning to LIVE FREE in the midst of it all 🙂

This will be a quick post because I am actually headed out soon to have one of my staples replaced! Yes, I still have them, and I don’t care how far I have to drive or how much I have to pay to get a new one. They WORK for me!! The drive is a really beautiful drive about an hour from where I live, so I will enjoy some good music and the scenery. If you are new to my blog or have never heard about ear stapling, you can read about it here. As I mentioned in this post, a lot of people get them to lose weight, stop smoking or stop sugar cravings. They basically will do whatever your body needs the most. For me, it is none of the above. They can help digestive troubles and they have helped me with depression/hormonal balance.

I just wanted to say a quick ‘hello’ and I will be back soon. Hope there are still some readers out there 🙂 One reason I decided to start blogging again is because I have a had a few e-mails recently from people that have struggled with some of the same issues that I have. If I can be of help to even one person by sharing my life, then it is worth it! GOD BLESS!!!!

Psalm 119:45 “I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.”

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Holy Yoga!

I am SO excited at the moment! I recently saw on Polly’s blog that she was going to the Holy Yoga teacher training and was very intrigued. I’m not going to teacher training, but I did look at the Holy Yoga web-site and found that there is a Holy Yoga instructor about 30 minutes from where I live!! I am so happy! It has been my desire to keep yoga as Christ centered as possible and some of the classes I have been to have been a little –well, weird.

 I also found another Christian yoga class about 20 minutes from home that meets once a week. I’m going to check it out tomorrow night. I really want to deepen my yoga practice and keep my focus on Christ while doing that. I would love to go to Holy Yoga teacher training one of these days and offer yoga at my own church. We’ll see what God works out in that department later 😉

I mentioned in this post that I was considering doing the P90X series. After some thought, I have decided that it would not be something I would enjoy. I don’t know why I always feel like I have to kill myself to feel like I’m getting a good workout! I know yoga works for me and it helps me feel very balanced and relaxed but worked at the same time. Things like the P90X and even the FIRM make me feel keyed up and competative. I don’t come away from doing the FIRM feeling balanced! Don’t get me wrong, I have NOTHING against those workouts. They just aren’t what I’m looking for right now. I also know yoga is working my muscles because I did a FIRM workout the other day that used to make me so sore I could not walk the next day. This time when I did it, I was not sore at all!! That means my legs are stronger than they used to be 😀

I had a great day today that included lunch with a friend from church. I didn’t take any pictures. We just enjoyed catching up! I hope your week has started off good!

TaTa for now 🙂

P.S. Polly, if you read this–I just want to thank you for mentioning Holy Yoga on your blog so that I too could enjoy it:) Your blog is a real blessing to me!! I love the way you radiate Christ!!

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I had a bit of a rough day today. I can’t really explain it all, but it was just an ‘off’ kind of day. I started out the day with an hour of yoga from Yoga Today. It was a lovely practice and it was FREE 🙂 I like FREE!! After that, it seemed like everything went downhill. My eating was ‘off’ and my mood was ‘off’. Why is it when you are having an ‘off’ day, everything seems to be out of whack?

Oh well, life is not always easy and that’s okay. One thing that was really bothering me today was the fact that I put much more effort into working out, yoga, diet etc. than I do my spiritual life. Then a friend of mine told me about a really cool challenge she saw. I think it started with the blog Raising Olives. We are so quick to take on physical challenges (at least I am), but what do we (I) do to grow spiritually? This challenge is to read through the entire Bible in 90 days! Yes, it can be done! No, I have never done it! You can see the schedule here if you would like to join in. I’m not trying to talk anyone into doing it, but if you are interested, it’s available to you 😉 Of course, I will be a little behind since it started on Jan. 1st, but I’m sure God isn’t watching the calendar.

Why am I doing this? I want to give God a chance to work in my heart, I want to know Him better and I want get my focus in the right place. God will not love me any more than He already does if I do this, but I will hopefully learn to love Him more!! There is nothing wrong with eating right and exercising and I will continue doing yoga etc., but that shouldn’t be my main priority.

I read a really thought provoking quote yesterday. This quote is talking about how we as humans view God.

“The problem is that many folks try to grasp some sense of who I (talking about God) am by taking the best version of themselves, projecting that to the nth degree, factoring in all the goodness they can perceive, which often isn’t much, and then call THAT God. And while it may seem like a noble effort, the truth is that it falls pitifully short of who I (God) really am. I’m not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am far more than that, above and beyond all that you can ask or think.” from ‘The Shack’ by William Young

Feel free to join me in this if you would like and maybe ask yourself–How do you view God? Is He just a ‘bigger’ version of you?

Off to go read now 🙂


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First of all, I want to say thanks to those that left supportive comments on my last post 😀 You guys are awesome!

Yesterday, I was so happy to be able to hang out with my dear friend Hope. We always say we are kindred spirits because we are so much alike and can relate to each other in so many areas. Hope and I go to church together, but find it hard to always spend time catching up. Well, thankfully we finally had several hours of a day that we could just hang out.

That picture isn’t very good–sorry 😦 My hubby took like a billion and they just weren’t turning out. Not enough light maybe? Anyway, Hope and I spent most of our time sitting at Barnes and Noble  talking our little heads off. Then we left B&N to run to Target for a minute only to end up BACK at B&N to chat some more!! I think we would NEVER run out of things to talk about, but it’s SO funny because we inevitably end up talking about food, diet, health etc. That’s not all we talk about though.

Hope is one of the people that spurs me on spiritually and I love her for that! There was a time in my life when I was really struggling with my eating disorder and Hope called me EVERY day to go over Scripture together. So, yesterday, we also talked about how we can hold each other accountable in certain areas of our lives. I have to be very careful with New Year’s Resolutions and goals in general. I tend to set myself up for failure a lot of times and I don’t need that! I am trying to learn to walk in God’s grace and not my own expectations 🙂

As I have been thinking and praying about goals (I don’t want to call them Resolutions) for this year, here are some general ideas:

1-be able to set goals but still be flexible 😀

2-spend more time reading, praying and journaling

3-continue on my journey to better health–physically and emotionally

4-make yoga a part of my regular routine–I have really slacked off in my   yoga practice and am realizing how much better I feel when being more consistent.

5-cardio/strength 3 days a week (will most likely use Wii Active for workouts)

6-a real biggie for me is: I want to come to a place where I am content with the body God gave me and stop putting such high expectations on myself. I don’t want to strive to be a certain weight, but let my body get to it’s natural weight and be totally okay with that. That has been a desire of mine for a long time but it is also VERY HARD to get to that place! In other words, I want the eating disorder tendencies to LEAVE ME ALONE !!!!!!!! 🙂 I have asked Hope to hold me accountable to only weighing once a week (on Fridays). I have not owned a scale for a long time, but now that I have the Wii Fit, I can weigh anytime I want which could turn in to a huge trap for me.

Did I ever tell you guys that I actually burned a scale before? Yep! My hubby was burning a big wood pile one time and the scale was causing SO much turmoil in my life that I threw it in the fire. I felt like I was casting my idol on the fire and it felt good and bad all at the same time!

Anyway, obviously goal #6  is going to take LOTS of prayer and faith 😀 This has been a long journey out of my sinful eating patterns, but I want to keep taking the next step and not look back!

HOPE–Thank you for your sweet friendship and for loving me through the good and the bad 🙂

Readers: Do you set New Year Resolutions? Why or why not?

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Well, the holidays are over and time to get back to ‘normal’ life–whatever that means. We had a fabulous Christmas but I don’t have any pics loaded on the computer yet. I have been extremely lazy about getting on the computer. My favorite gift that I received was a Wii Fit Plus from my hubby. I LOVE IT!! I also got some Christmas money and got the Wii Active. I quickly learned that the Wii Active can kick my tail!! It is more of a workout than the Wii Fit–although the Wii fit can burn some booty too 🙂 Anyway, I am currently pretty daggone sore from them both!

I thought I probably should get on here and kind of explain why I haven’t been blogging for the last few weeks. It really had little to do with the busyness of the holidays. After reading this post by Heather, I thought that I too should be able to be honest on MY blog. Ya see, I kind of stepped back because I have been feeling like a hypocrite or a lunatic–which ever one is worse. I say that because of the fact that my diet is EVER changing and confusing. I say I’m doing one thing only to find that it doesn’t work for me. Every time I think I have something figured out–I realize that I don’t. Then I feel all this pressure to stick to what I said–EVEN IF IT’S NOT WORKING!! So, that is BAD, right? Yeah!

This past year has been one of the most confusing where my health is concerned. I loved what Heather said about labels and gave that a lot of thought. Thanks Heather 🙂 I am NOT labeling myself anymore. I am NOT vegetarian(for real), high raw, vegan, low carb, macrobiotic yada, yada, yada!

I DO, however, HAVE to stay away from gluten due to Celiac and I HAVE to stay away from things that feed my candida.  I have tried way TOO hard to force my body to do one thing or another and it has been miserable!! This past week has been so freeing because I am eating what sounds good–as long as it’s not going to worsen my health. Last night, I had cooked cabbage and onions with ground deer meat that I seasoned with cumin, chili powder, garlic powder and paprika(sorry–no pics–I gobbled it up!). It HIT THE SPOT!! Gasp, I ate deer! Yes, my hubby is a hunter and that is something I have never felt comfortable enough to share on my blog due to all the veggie fanfare 🙂 That’s all I’m sayin’ on that note. So, I am eating meat again and feeling SO much better. I DO think that some people just don’t thrive on a veggie diet and I’m learning that I’m one of them.

Along with the meat in my diet, I am mainly eating eggs and tons of veggies. This seems to be helping my yeast some and for that I am SO grateful. It’s NOT about labels, but about finding what will make me well!! I am also HAPPY 😀 to report that I am eating some almond flour and doing okay!! You have NO idea how happy that makes me!! I got ‘The Almond Flour Cookbook’ and have made several things out of it. Of course, I have to tweak and use stevia instead of agave due to the candida, but it’s working.

Last but not least, my hubby has agreed to eat whatever I’m eating with a few exceptions–a.k.a he is eating cheese and I’m not–little things like that. It has made life SO much easier and he’s losing weight to boot 🙂

Sorry about the picture less post. I’ll be a little more prepared next go around 🙂 See ya!

Lots of smileys in this post–that is a good thing!! 😀 😀 😀 Hope you’re smiling today!!!!

VERY IMPORTANT P.S.–HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HEATHER!!!!!! I think this day calls for some protein ice cream!!

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Do any of you remember that old song called ‘Won’t you take me to Funky Town’? I remember like yesterday the year I got that record for Christmas. Yes, that was before the beloved CD’s, i-pods etc. I loved playing that record on my good ol’ fashion record player. Some of you may be too young to remember that song, but it was a huge hit back then.

So, this past week I have been in Funky Town! Now, I’m singing ‘Won’t you get me out of Funky Town’?!! I have had NO desire to blog or be transparent with anyone (except a lovely fellow blogger who has been SO kind to let me e-mail her with my woes 🙂 ). What can I say? Holidays are HARD! It seems like everything is centered around food–and food has not felt like my friend lately. I have been trying to follow the Anti-Candida Diet and was very successful–for 11 days. Then, I got on a slippery slope that I have had trouble getting off of. Eleven glorious days of NO cheating and then BOOM! What happened? I have no idea, other than sugar won 😦 Ricki, I think I am back to day 1 !

Now, it’s time to get back on the wagon and hang on for dear life! This Anti-Candida thing is a wild ride that I would much rather NOT go on, but I don’t really have a choice. Who knew that yeasty beasties could be SO stubborn. I’m pretty stubborn, but I think this takes the cake–literally! I would love to have a piece of cake!!

This slippery slope has led to another slippery slope that I MUST get off of–NOW!! You see, I have this pattern. I try REALLY hard to do the right thing, I fail, I get angry with myself=restricting. My rational thinking this week has been ‘It is better to not eat at all than to eat and take a chance on the sugar/gluten monster winning’. Restricting can make everything seem under control–for a moment.  Problem is, my gut starts SCREAMING for food, I get light headed, I get depressed, I get angry because I’m hungry etc.

So, what do I do when I am really not loving food but am surrounded by it everywhere I go? I just have to do the best I can. That’s all I can do. I don’t know what tomorrow is going to look like. I don’t have a clue if I’m going to be able to fight the cravings when they come. I don’t know what to take to eat when I go to gatherings. I don’t know if this yeast will EVER go away!  About the only thing I DO know is that God gave me grace to get through 11 days and HIS grace does not run out!  I have to cling to that with everything in me. I have NO hope apart from HIM!

I hope you all are enjoying this Holiday season. Remember, it’s NOT about the food or the gifts! The only reason we can celebrate this Christmas is because Christ was born to come and save us from ourselves! I need HIM everyday. I am a hopeless case without Him 😉


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