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Archive for the ‘body image’ Category

Too Many Rules!

Hey there my friends! I know it’s been a while since I have posted and I should get the ‘Slacker’ award for my blog, but things have just been~~well, HARD! Many of you know that I have struggled with eating issues and body image in the past, and if you didn’t already know, ya do now 🙂 So, when I saw a new Dr. back in January, he wanted me to eat~grain free, diary free, gluten free, totally sugar free, AND low-oxalate! Can you say OVERWHELMED?!! Have you ever had someone tell you couldn’t have a certain thing? Then, after being told you couldn’t have that certain thing, did you then want it with everything in you?! Well, I know that feeling all too well!

I think sometimes the more ‘rules’ we have, the more we want what we can’t have. I also know that food rules STRESS ME OUT!!! I have reverted back to wanting to lose weight and counting every calorie that goes into my mouth. I have reverted back to feeling like a failure because I can’t seem to follow all the ‘rules’! I have been very critical of my body even though I am at a healthy weight. My point is~THIS IS NO WAY TO LIVE!!

I talked with the Dr. this morning about some hormonal issues and was totally honest with him about my struggles with food. I am SO relieved that he agreed with me that the main thing is THAT I EAT HEALTHY! I know I have to stay gluten and diary free and low-oxalate does seem to be a good thing. As far as staying grain free~forget it!

Anyway, it is HARD work for me to keep my thinking in the right place about food and body image. I am at a healthy weight, but I still have to battle the wrong thinking. I know there are SO many women in the world that struggle with this kind of thing. I know I am not alone and I know that God is the only one that can truly change my heart! I also know that God wants my focus to be on Him rather than eating a perfect diet or having a certain body. I think it’s kind of ironic that we (or at least I) can be so caught up in eating a ‘perfect’ diet when in reality the STRESS from trying to do that is probably worse on our health than eating a non-perfect diet!

I know this another picture-less post, but I just wanted to give an honest update 😉

How about you~can you relate to trying to follow too many rules?

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Happy Thursday morning! I can’t believe it’s Thursday already, but I’m glad because that means tomorrow is Friday! That means I don’t have to work tomorrow 8)

I called this post ‘No More Hiding’ because for a while now, I have just been putting along like I am doing grand, when in reality, I have been sliding down the slippery slope of my old obssession with weight and bad body image. I have decided that it is high time I just be honest and admit, I HAVE REALLY BEEN STRUGGLING!! From now on, I plan to just be myself– for better or for worse!

The last few days have been pretty busy and I have still been working on sticking to my goals that I listed in my last post, but I forgot one. It’s a VERY important one too! I forgot to put on my list–DO NOT WEIGH EVERYDAY!! That can get me back into bondage with food and weight issues faster than you can say ‘Bob’s your uncle’ and I unfortunately had been going down that road. So, my goal is to weigh once a week–or every other week would be even better. I know some people don’t believe in weighing at all, but I’m not ready for that yet 😉

I’m going to see my nutritionist next Friday. I haven’t seen her in over a year and am looking forward to it. I just feel like I need some help getting my head on straight as far as what is best for my body and health. I am also having to step away from reading as many blogs for a while. Sometimes, the more I read, the more confused I get. I put VERY high expectations on myself and then beat myself up if I can’t meet them.

I have also started an online Bible study called ‘In His Image’ that really focuses on finding acceptance and satisfaction in Christ instead of a certain weight etc. AND, I have ordered a book called ‘You Are Not What You Weigh’. I have read this book before and I would recommend it to anyone who has ever struggled with body image etc. I am obviously trying to be very proactive in my fight against old habits! I think if we just sit back and let things slide–we get into BIG trouble!

1 Timothy 1:18-19 says, “I give you this instruction… so that by following them you may fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience.” I am trying to fight the good fight and hold on to faith instead of clinging to the worthless idol of being a certain weight.

Okay, so that was my honesty for the day–now on to some food!

I had the BEST brunch the other day. I bet ya’ll didn’t know that I LOVE burritos! Well, I do. I started out planning to make a tofu and potato hash and it turned into a black bean and potato hash instead. I adore anything with black beans so this really hit the spot!

black bean and tator hash

I shredded a few red potatoes in the food processor and placed them in a skillet with a little oil. Then I added onions, red pepper, zucchini and 1 can black beans. Then I put some of this mixture in a warm brown rice tortilla with a little salsa and pepperjack flavored soy cheese.

my burrito:)

That was the BEST meal I have had in a long time! I am discovering that there are certain types of foods that really get me in the mood to cook, but more about that another day 🙂

Gosh, I better go! It’s not Friday yet, which means I DO have to work today! Hope you all have a fantabulous day 😉

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Okay, so I didn’t stay away very long did I? I still haven’t had time for pics or interesting meals for that matter, but wanted to give a quick update on my P90X journey. In short, it’s over–for now at least. I’m pretty bummed about it but I wanted to explain why the sudden halt. In two words–STREP THROAT!! I have been sick for the last 4-5 days and have been glued to my couch for the past 3! I don’t know which is worse, working my fingers to the bone or being couch ridden for days!

I felt that it was important for me to share something I have learned over the last few days. Actually, this is NOT a new lesson for me, I just don’t always remember lessons learned. So, what is this profound lesson? PUSHING TOO HARD LEADS TO ILLNESS!! I’m not saying it is that way for everybody, but for MY BODY I need to remember my ‘limits’.

When I saw the Dr. the other day, he asked me how my gluten free diet was going and I had to be honest and tell him–not so good. I ate poorly on vacation and just sort of continued that pattern after returning home. On top of poor diet, I began intense exercise and was also working more than usual. All this put together spells disaster for me! This is the first time I have had strep since being diagnosed with Celiac several years ago. Before my diagnoses, I had strep over and over! Eating bad=very bad immune system!

I have also had to re-examine my motives in starting something as intense as P90x when I have struggled so much with being well and staying well. I have been asking myself over the last few days if looking a certain way is worth it and my answer is a BIG NO!! I will admit that I have been struggling with contentment with the body God gave me and I have been figuring out ways to change my body at the expense of good health.

Where do I go from here? I plan on really paying attention to eating foods that give me life and health and staying away from those that bring illness to my body. I also plan on getting back to what I LOVEwalking in the country and Yoga! If I do any P90X at all, it will only be a workout every now and then–for instance to focus on abs, legs etc.  I will also STOP counting calories, carbs, fat etc. That alone has been enough to drive me bananas!

I am totally aware of the fact that I can not do any of this without the grace of God, but I also know that He loves to lavish His children with plenty of grace. 😉 I learned in my Bible study today that we are to do ALL things to the glory of God. If I am just wanting to look a certain way, eat a certain way, or exercise a certain way to bring glory to myself, then my motives are really screwed up.

I need LOTS of prayer to be able to:

1-STOP counting everything I eat

2-Eat foods that bring health and life to my body

3-Stay away from foods that harm my body

4-Do the exercise that I love because I love it!

I love walks in the country

AND

YOGA:)

“So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it ALL for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

Is there anything in your life that you need to step back and re-examine your motives? Why do you eat a certain way or exercise a certain way?

I know this was a little long and maybe boring, but I would love feedback. I’m hoping to post often about how I’m doing with  my new goals, so please stop back by 😉

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Hello again from Florida! We are having a great time and really getting some much needed R&R 😉

This post isn’t really about Florida though. It’s about my heart and a confession that I must get off of my chest. Are you ready? 🙂 I am SO TIRED of trying to eat a certain way!! After reading this post by Katie the other day, I had to do some soul searching. I have been struggling for a while now with this whole ‘good’ food, ‘bad’ food thing! I am all happy if I eat ‘good’ foods, but OVERWHELMED with guilt if I eat ‘bad’ foods. I have struggled with food for YEARS and I’m tellin’ ya, it is exhausting! It is certainly not ‘Living Free’!!

So, this morning, I had to spend a good long time talking to God about this. I know in  my head that He loves me even if I eat a brownie and ice cream, but in my heart I always feel guilt. That is NOT guilt from HIM, it is guilt I am putting on myself and I have to learn to STOP!! As Katie said, ‘Diet is NOT a religion.’ AMEN sister!! If diet is the most important thing to me, then what does that say about my relationship with God–umm, not good. I’ve also really enjoyed seeing Heather letting go of some food rules due to pregnancy. I am NOT pregnant, but I DO need to let go of some food rules! It is SO helpful to me to see that other bloggers sometimes eat what a lot of people would label as ‘bad’ foods and they didn’t die or turn into blimps! Check out Heather’s guest post on Maggie’s blog!

TODAY my main goal will be whether I am pleasing GOD and enjoying the life He has given me–NOT whether I am eating perfectly or not. Believe me, it is HARD to eat perfectly at home, much less on vacation 😉 I am praying that God will help me be balanced in my thinking about my body image and balanced in my eating. I think I honeslty don’t know what that looks like most of the time. Usually, if I am eating really healthy, it is because I am forcing myself to do it–it’s more of a performance mentality or fear of getting fat!  Note added: I don’t mean to sound as if I don’t enjoy anything healthy 🙂 There are all kinds of healthy foods that I don’t have to force myself to eat. I just mean that sometimes I choose something because I think it is healthier when I really would rather have something else. Make sense?

So, there you have it–honesty as it’s best worst. How do you keep balance in your eating and body image? Really, I need some tips 😉 Eating healthy, exercising and staying fit have never been about balance for me and I really need to change that!

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First of all, I want to say thanks to those that left supportive comments on my last post 😀 You guys are awesome!

Yesterday, I was so happy to be able to hang out with my dear friend Hope. We always say we are kindred spirits because we are so much alike and can relate to each other in so many areas. Hope and I go to church together, but find it hard to always spend time catching up. Well, thankfully we finally had several hours of a day that we could just hang out.

That picture isn’t very good–sorry 😦 My hubby took like a billion and they just weren’t turning out. Not enough light maybe? Anyway, Hope and I spent most of our time sitting at Barnes and Noble  talking our little heads off. Then we left B&N to run to Target for a minute only to end up BACK at B&N to chat some more!! I think we would NEVER run out of things to talk about, but it’s SO funny because we inevitably end up talking about food, diet, health etc. That’s not all we talk about though.

Hope is one of the people that spurs me on spiritually and I love her for that! There was a time in my life when I was really struggling with my eating disorder and Hope called me EVERY day to go over Scripture together. So, yesterday, we also talked about how we can hold each other accountable in certain areas of our lives. I have to be very careful with New Year’s Resolutions and goals in general. I tend to set myself up for failure a lot of times and I don’t need that! I am trying to learn to walk in God’s grace and not my own expectations 🙂

As I have been thinking and praying about goals (I don’t want to call them Resolutions) for this year, here are some general ideas:

1-be able to set goals but still be flexible 😀

2-spend more time reading, praying and journaling

3-continue on my journey to better health–physically and emotionally

4-make yoga a part of my regular routine–I have really slacked off in my   yoga practice and am realizing how much better I feel when being more consistent.

5-cardio/strength 3 days a week (will most likely use Wii Active for workouts)

6-a real biggie for me is: I want to come to a place where I am content with the body God gave me and stop putting such high expectations on myself. I don’t want to strive to be a certain weight, but let my body get to it’s natural weight and be totally okay with that. That has been a desire of mine for a long time but it is also VERY HARD to get to that place! In other words, I want the eating disorder tendencies to LEAVE ME ALONE !!!!!!!! 🙂 I have asked Hope to hold me accountable to only weighing once a week (on Fridays). I have not owned a scale for a long time, but now that I have the Wii Fit, I can weigh anytime I want which could turn in to a huge trap for me.

Did I ever tell you guys that I actually burned a scale before? Yep! My hubby was burning a big wood pile one time and the scale was causing SO much turmoil in my life that I threw it in the fire. I felt like I was casting my idol on the fire and it felt good and bad all at the same time!

Anyway, obviously goal #6  is going to take LOTS of prayer and faith 😀 This has been a long journey out of my sinful eating patterns, but I want to keep taking the next step and not look back!

HOPE–Thank you for your sweet friendship and for loving me through the good and the bad 🙂

Readers: Do you set New Year Resolutions? Why or why not?

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Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone and I have been loving some new recipes! First of all, I am happy to say I made it through the holiday without even sniffing gluten or sugar! Yay me 😉 I was a little lot worried that I would not be able to resist all the traditional food. So, I made sure to take my own and basically stayed away from the large table of food at my mom’s. I have been learning more about the anti-candida diet and really prayed hard that God would help me stick to it! He answered my prayer 🙂

My Thanksgiving day started off with a yummy HOT breakfast–southwestern style. I have realized that I do much better with a BIG HOT breakfast–not cold and raw (more about that later). Here are a few I have been enjoying.

1 egg + 2 whites, cooked peppers, onions and black beans over spinach

More eggs, peppers, onions and black beans over spaghetti sqaush

Coconut flour pancakes with Sweet Almond Sauce--OMG!!

Did I mention I have a new BFF? I don’t think she knows it yet, but Ricki at Diet, Dessert and Dogs is saving my life with this Anti-Candida thing!! Thanks a million Ricki! I still have SO many more recipes to explore! The recipe for the Sweet Almond Sauce is here and it is to die for!!

Lunch on Thanksgiving day was:

Kale Salad with Sweet Potato Fries

These recipes were also on Ricki’s blog🙂 I’m afraid sweet tators may be out for me for a while though–they make me crave sugar! UGH!

Dinner on Thanksgiving:

Anti-Candida Stew

Yet another wonderful recipe from Diet, Dessert and Dogs! I used quinoa instead of rice and I did put the sweet potato, but will probably leave it out next time. I took this with me to my mom’s and didn’t touch anything else. I KNEW if I took even ONE bite of the traditional food, my taste buds would go BONKERS and I would be in trouble!

Dessert on Thanksgiving:

Tofu Carob Pudding (sugar free:)

I’m still not sure that tofu works for me, but it was certainly better than eating sugar and gluten. Tofu doesn’t make my stomach hurt, but I have noticed some unpleasant reactions to it. I think it is worth eating occasionally, but I couldn’t eat it every day.

So, basically, Ricki saved my Thanksgiving. I LOVE the blogging world. We have never even met and yet blogs are SO helpful!

Just a quick note about the raw diet in my life. I went to the ND the other day and she and I both think it is best if I just concentrate on staying away from sugar and gluten. With my past eating history, too many rules was REALLY freaking me out! Food was VERY quickly becoming my enemy and I just can NOT go there again. So, I will eat raw when I want (like kale salad) and cooked when I want. I’m sure it will be more cooked than raw and that has to be okay–if for no other reason than to keep my sanity! Eating disorders are a powerful form of bondage that I don’t want any part of–EVER AGAIN!! I have to see food as fuel and as my friend,and I wasn’t seeing it that way when trying to follow so many rules. I am feeling MUCH better emotionally since coming to this place with my diet 😀 I know there are rules to follow on the anti-candida diet, but I think it is easier than trying to do mostly raw. I’m not much into raw eggs, but have been loving them scrambled for my breakfast!

Better run now. I think my daughter and I are going to try to go to a movie today and maybe do a little window shopping 🙂 Hope you have a blessed weekend!


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blog pictures 544
I have been enjoying avocados immensely lately! But, I have also been reminded of a funny story about avocados. A couple of years ago, I was in the store picking through the avocados when this complete stranger came up to me and proceeded to tell me which avocado I should buy. Now, her advice was not bad and in fact I probably needed to be told which one was the best. I had just discovered avocados at that time. There were a couple of problems though. First of all, I did not ask for her advice and most importantly, I let her tell me what to do and I did NOT even know her!! You may ask what the big deal is. Well, I was SO mad at myself because my whole life has been about pleasing other people. I let a complete stranger tell me what was best for me! When I got home from the store and was telling a friend what had happened, she laughed at how easily swayed I am. Now, every time I do something JUST to please someone else, she reminds me of the avocado lady.

Why am I bringing this story up? Well, I have really been struggling with doing what other people say is best–even if I KNOW it may not be what is best for me. This happens mostly with my diet and health. I read something and think–‘oh, I should do that’. I think what brought this on is the fact that I stopped doing a food diary–after THREE years of doing it EVERY single day. I know it sounds silly, but somehow that food diary was a comfort for me and a way to still feel in control. Eating disorders are all about control and I ‘thought’ I had let go of all that. I am finding out differently. Since not doing my food diary, I find myself FREAKING OUT at night trying to add up everything in my head. I couldn’t even watch a movie the other night for going over my food a gazillion times in my head!! Then, that turns into—‘I should do this diet or that diet because so and so is doing it and it is working for them’. I HAVE come a LONG way in my healing from an eating disorder. I’m not saying that I am still in the grips of it. I’m not! I just get angry with myself for not listening to MY body. I was telling someone the other day about an ND (Dr. of natural medicine) that I was thinking of going to. I felt like it would be a really good thing for me to do—until I talked to this person and heard their negative opinion. Then, all of a sudden, I didn’t think it was such a good idea anymore. Why do I have to be SO influenced by what others think? I have no idea. I am thankful that I am aware of it and that I can work on it though. I need God to help me listen to HIM, not what everyone else tells me!

Now, on to some yummy eats–with avocado of course!

blog pictures 476Salad with avocado and sprouted quinoa

blog pictures 528Raw zucchini salad from Heather’s blog. I added sprouted mung beans. This is one of my new all time favorites:)

blog pictures 480Avocado pudding with Hemp protein powder(chocolate)

blog pictures 541Avocado, tomatoes, and sprouts on gluten free sprouted bread

blog pictures 542Guacamole chicken salad with broccoli sprouts wrapped in romaine

Now, before you gasp over all those avocados I have consumed–never fear, I did NOT eat all of that in one day. This is food I have eaten over the last week or two. Had I eaten all of that in one day, I WOULD have something to worry about:) Man, I’m eating a lot of sprouts too! Didn’t realize that.

As for my struggle with doing what is best for ME, I will continue to work towards a diet that is healthy and works for MY tummy. I CAN NOT  worry about low-carb, grain free, raw, veggie or any other ‘diet’. Pray for me:) My stinkin’ thinkin’ gets me in trouble every time!

Oh, I have signed up for a HOT Yoga class!! I can’t wait! It starts tomorrow night. I have been reading up on it so that I kind of know what to expect–that would be SWEAT–A LOT!! I’ll let ya know how it goes–if I survive:)

What are your favorite ways to eat avocado?

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