Archive for the ‘depression’ Category

I was so temtped to call this post ‘O Happy Crappy Day’! My day started bright and early at 4:30am when I woke up and could not go back to sleep. By 7:30 I already felt like I had put in a full day’s work! I chose to skip my morning walk because I had two houses to clean today and my poor little Samson  has been under the weather yesterday and today. I think he is on the mend, but if he isn’t better by tomorrow, we shall take a trip to the vet.

Thankfully, my day got better as it went and I actually took pictures of all of my food today–well almost. At 6:30am I was STARVING but I didn’t want to eat my real breakfast then. So, I had my last piece of ‘More Than A Meal Bar’. I am going to figure out a way to make those suckers–they are $7.50 a piece and I ate mine way too fast–4 days 🙂

For my real breakfast I ate:

1 egg + 2 whites, almond flour zucchini muffin

I got the muffin recipe from the book ‘Dr. Mercola’s Total Health Program’. I really like that book and I LOVE the muffins.

After cleaning a house for an 86 yr. old client whom I have become pretty fond of, I came home for lunch and had this:

salad with canned salmon

I found a new dressing the other day that I used for the first time today.

I am NOT motivated to make my own dressing and was really pleased with this gluten free roasted garlic dressing!

Oops–almost forgot my dessert!

coconut macaroon and square of dairy free dark chocolate

I don’t think a day EVER goes by without me having something sweet! I think every tooth in my mouth is a sweet tooth!

After lunch, I went to clean my brother’s house–which is brand new and makes me want to live there 🙂

For snack, I had a little problem with my yogurt.

I was going to eat the WholeSoy yogurt and when I tasted it, it was awful!! I think it was spoiled even though the date was still good. I hate it when stuff like that happens. So, in the trash it went and I ate the rest of my Wildwood yogurt. I like the Wildwood and it is what I normally eat, but I found the other on sale–now I know why! I have gone back and forth about the whole soy debate, but having to be dairy free, I have decided that a little soy is not going to kill me.  

soy yogurt w/ 1/2 scoop protein powder, blueberries and almonds

I used Healthy ‘N Fit egg white protein powder in strawberry passion flavor. I REALLY like that brand of protein powder! It is ONLY sweetened with stevia which is a huge plus in my book! I had vanilla ice cream flavor before and just recently ordered the strawberry.

By dinner time, my early morning was really getting to me! I almost fell asleep driving home. I was too lazy to fix anything difficult–so this is what I had (while trying to watch a netflix movie that refused to load):

all natural turkey burger w/ zucchini and squash

I really wanted something else a little while after dinner, but I have gotten in a bad habit of eating too late in the evening. It is usually NOT because I’m hungry but just because I want to munch. I am trying really hard to stop eating by 7pm. Of course, if I’m really hungry I will eat something else, but I think my belly feels better when it isn’t full at bedtime.

 That is a pretty typical day for me–most of the time. Sometimes, I eat some grains, but I don’t really do well with them. My ND suggested that I have 1 serving of grains every three days. Yeah right! If I have grains, I only want more grains. Then I feel icky, bloated and depressed!

I have dishes calling my name, but honestly, I think I am ready to crash! Hope you all had a wonderful day 8)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matt. 11:28

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Hello all! Man, I can’t seem to get back into the swing of things here. I have gotten SO out of the habit of taking pictures of my food! I did want to share this interesting bar with you though.

Is that sucker huge or what?! It is a “More Than A Square Meal” bar.Of course, this is not meant to be consumed at one sitting 🙂 The paper that came with this bar stated the following:

  ” Each ‘More Than A Square Meal’ bar can be consumed as many seperate protein and energy bars, as a large number of tiny but nutrient packed meal components (servings) or as several complete, high protein, high energy morning meals.”

The bar is loaded with protein because it is loaded with Hemp Seeds. There are only three ingredients: hemp seeds,bittersweet chocolate, and topped with nuts, dried fruit or coconut. I chose the one topped with almond, but there was also blueberry, strawberry, and coconut at the store I found it at.

So, how does it taste? YUMMY!! I didn’t eat half of the bar at once and even shared some with my brother, but I REALLY liked it–a lot! You can read more about the bars and the benefits of hemp seeds here.

I mentioned in my last short post that I was headed to get my ear restapled.

I ended up getting both ears done. The staples are supposed to last 3-6 months. One of mine had been in 6 months and the other for 3, so she went ahead and replaced them both. They were a little more painful this time, but today is day 3 and they are feeling much better.

You may be wondering how I can tell they need to be replaced. I’m going to be very honest here and tell you that I have struggled with depression off and on for years. Sometimes, I wouldn’t even realize that I was depressed, but would wake up and immediately feel like I was going to throw up. My ND mainly put the staples in to help with perimenopause symtoms–and poof–NO MORE feeling sick in the morning!! I know it sounds weird and it IS amazing that they can work like that, but when she first put them in, I didn’t even realize how depressed I was. I felt like I was coming alive for the first time in years!! I’m pretty sure a lot of my depression has been due to eating gluten before my Celiac diagnoses and from hormones the last couple of years. Anyway, I know the staples need replacing when I start waking up feeling sick EVERY morning–and I’m NOT pregnant 🙂

Now instead of feeling sick in the mornings, I enjoy walking this little cutie:

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Well, I’m back…I think. I have been kind of out of the blogging loop for the past few months and have been contemplating coming back for a while. I took the last few months off to take some time to come to a place of peace with my body and my health. There have been a lot of ups and downs, but I feel like I am at a place of acceptance (most of the time). That doesn’t mean I am sitting back and doing nothing to improve my health anymore. I am just learning to LIVE FREE in the midst of it all 🙂

This will be a quick post because I am actually headed out soon to have one of my staples replaced! Yes, I still have them, and I don’t care how far I have to drive or how much I have to pay to get a new one. They WORK for me!! The drive is a really beautiful drive about an hour from where I live, so I will enjoy some good music and the scenery. If you are new to my blog or have never heard about ear stapling, you can read about it here. As I mentioned in this post, a lot of people get them to lose weight, stop smoking or stop sugar cravings. They basically will do whatever your body needs the most. For me, it is none of the above. They can help digestive troubles and they have helped me with depression/hormonal balance.

I just wanted to say a quick ‘hello’ and I will be back soon. Hope there are still some readers out there 🙂 One reason I decided to start blogging again is because I have a had a few e-mails recently from people that have struggled with some of the same issues that I have. If I can be of help to even one person by sharing my life, then it is worth it! GOD BLESS!!!!

Psalm 119:45 “I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.”

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Do any of you remember that old song called ‘Won’t you take me to Funky Town’? I remember like yesterday the year I got that record for Christmas. Yes, that was before the beloved CD’s, i-pods etc. I loved playing that record on my good ol’ fashion record player. Some of you may be too young to remember that song, but it was a huge hit back then.

So, this past week I have been in Funky Town! Now, I’m singing ‘Won’t you get me out of Funky Town’?!! I have had NO desire to blog or be transparent with anyone (except a lovely fellow blogger who has been SO kind to let me e-mail her with my woes 🙂 ). What can I say? Holidays are HARD! It seems like everything is centered around food–and food has not felt like my friend lately. I have been trying to follow the Anti-Candida Diet and was very successful–for 11 days. Then, I got on a slippery slope that I have had trouble getting off of. Eleven glorious days of NO cheating and then BOOM! What happened? I have no idea, other than sugar won 😦 Ricki, I think I am back to day 1 !

Now, it’s time to get back on the wagon and hang on for dear life! This Anti-Candida thing is a wild ride that I would much rather NOT go on, but I don’t really have a choice. Who knew that yeasty beasties could be SO stubborn. I’m pretty stubborn, but I think this takes the cake–literally! I would love to have a piece of cake!!

This slippery slope has led to another slippery slope that I MUST get off of–NOW!! You see, I have this pattern. I try REALLY hard to do the right thing, I fail, I get angry with myself=restricting. My rational thinking this week has been ‘It is better to not eat at all than to eat and take a chance on the sugar/gluten monster winning’. Restricting can make everything seem under control–for a moment.  Problem is, my gut starts SCREAMING for food, I get light headed, I get depressed, I get angry because I’m hungry etc.

So, what do I do when I am really not loving food but am surrounded by it everywhere I go? I just have to do the best I can. That’s all I can do. I don’t know what tomorrow is going to look like. I don’t have a clue if I’m going to be able to fight the cravings when they come. I don’t know what to take to eat when I go to gatherings. I don’t know if this yeast will EVER go away!  About the only thing I DO know is that God gave me grace to get through 11 days and HIS grace does not run out!  I have to cling to that with everything in me. I have NO hope apart from HIM!

I hope you all are enjoying this Holiday season. Remember, it’s NOT about the food or the gifts! The only reason we can celebrate this Christmas is because Christ was born to come and save us from ourselves! I need HIM everyday. I am a hopeless case without Him 😉


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I just want to warn you, I am in a horrific slump!! Remember in my last post how I was saying that I did NOT cheat at my son’s birthday? Well, all that came crashing down Friday night!! Birthday cake sitting on the table for 3 stinkin’ days is NEVER a good thing. Yes, I went WAY off of my diet! Yes, I made myself sick–not from how much I ate, but WHAT I ate (stuff I am allergic to). So, Saturday was spent trying to recover. Then, do you think I learned my lesson? Apparently not because I did the same thing Saturday night!! UGH! I went to bed buried in guilt and feeling like a complete failure and woke up with illness staring me in the face (and gut:). I felt like all the progress I made the first week of my diet was for nothing. I DID feel like what the ND told me to do WAS working! Now, I am starting all over. I HATE starting over!!

I think I know one thing that caused my BIG slip ups. Oatgurt has been one of the foods that I was filling up on and enjoying immensely. Well, I realized on Thursday that it was ferociously feeding my candida problem!! OMG! Oatgurt, I thought you were my friend! So, I cut it out and my poor tummy was feeling pretty lonely. My foods are SO limited right now, and I needed that to help keep me full! I can’t stay full on spinach and kale my friends!

Yesterday, I tried to eat more fat with raw homemade coconut milk and raw homemade sunbutter. That didn’t work either because too much fat is hard on my tummy.

So, where am I today? Well, up until 4pm, I had nothing but green juices (and I do mean green–no apple or carrot for this girl). Then, I had some lettuce wraps with homemade kraut, sprouts, green onions, and raw seed mix.

blog pictures 615

I am trying to pull myself together. I have tried to stay very positive about my food, or lack thereof, but some days I just can’t do it! I will be honest and say that this diet stinks out loud. It is NOT fun and it is NOT easy. I want to cry a lot. The first few days weren’t so bad, but there are only so many ways to eat spinach, kale, zucchini etc.

I am also reminding myself that GOD is my strength!!! I can’t do this on my own! The Bible says that He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me!! It comforts me to know that HE knows what I am going through even when my family can not even begin to grasp how hard this is. They really do try though:)

Okay, enough belly aching (literally). It’s time to let God scrape me up off the floor and brush me off like a good daddy does:) It makes me want to cry just thinking of how HE ‘kisses’ our ‘boo-boo’s’. I can crawl up in His lap and cry all I want to. He never tires of my belly aching or my falling down. He is SO gracious and merciful to me:)

“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I HAVE HOPE: Because of the Lord’s great love we are NOT consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.”    Lam.3:19-24

I think I’m going to go for a short walk. Already had my nap for the day:) See you guys later and I hope you are all doing well! Thanks for reading and letting me be myself in the midst of it not looking so good:)

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Date Day & New Shoes:)

I woke up to snow this morning! Sadly, we haven’t had hardly any good snow this year. I was so excited to see the roads white and then it stopped! Oh well. By the time it stopped, it was already too late to make it to church so my husband and I had a date day. We went to eat Mexican for lunch. I had not had Mexican in months and it’s my favorite.

Last week I made some extra money from working for my dad. I have been getting more serious about running and REALLY needed some new shoes. So, I used the extra I made and found some shoes on sale for a great price. I am so excited and can’t wait to get out in them tomorrow. I just hate to get them dirty:( I have been running on a road near my house that is so pretty and peaceful. It’s a dirt/gravel road with a good size creek beside it. Yesterday, only two cars went by. I love to get out like that and just be able to think–and sweat a little:) I was thinking earlier about how much running and strength training is helping me emotionally. I was struggling with depression pretty bad before I increased my exercise. I have never been too sedentary, but I guess I needed to up the intensity a bit. It is really hard to even describe the difference I feel since running/weight training. I look forward to it everyday! Since I am running, I have been reading everything I can get my hands on about how to make sure I do it safely and effectively. I already have Osteopenia so I have increased my Calcium. I have read that running and weight training is actually good for building stronger bones. It will be interesting to see the next time I have a bone density test.

Tomorrow will be an interesting day. I have been having some symptoms of sugar problems again. I am having a fasting glucose test done tomorrow. I am NOT looking forward to that! I remember drinking that nasty stuff with each pregnancy and it nearly gagged me. If it turns out that I do have sugar problems, I don’t really know how that will change my life. I am already eating as healthy as I can and exercising. I really don’t know what else I can do. If the test turns out normal, I guess I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing and stay away from sugar. It makes me feel like I’m dying when I eat sugar!

Okay, enough rambling:) I have 5 extra teens at my house today so I better run. I will be fortunate to have any food left in my house by the end of the day:)

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