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Archive for the ‘eating issues’ Category

Too Many Rules!

Hey there my friends! I know it’s been a while since I have posted and I should get the ‘Slacker’ award for my blog, but things have just been~~well, HARD! Many of you know that I have struggled with eating issues and body image in the past, and if you didn’t already know, ya do now 🙂 So, when I saw a new Dr. back in January, he wanted me to eat~grain free, diary free, gluten free, totally sugar free, AND low-oxalate! Can you say OVERWHELMED?!! Have you ever had someone tell you couldn’t have a certain thing? Then, after being told you couldn’t have that certain thing, did you then want it with everything in you?! Well, I know that feeling all too well!

I think sometimes the more ‘rules’ we have, the more we want what we can’t have. I also know that food rules STRESS ME OUT!!! I have reverted back to wanting to lose weight and counting every calorie that goes into my mouth. I have reverted back to feeling like a failure because I can’t seem to follow all the ‘rules’! I have been very critical of my body even though I am at a healthy weight. My point is~THIS IS NO WAY TO LIVE!!

I talked with the Dr. this morning about some hormonal issues and was totally honest with him about my struggles with food. I am SO relieved that he agreed with me that the main thing is THAT I EAT HEALTHY! I know I have to stay gluten and diary free and low-oxalate does seem to be a good thing. As far as staying grain free~forget it!

Anyway, it is HARD work for me to keep my thinking in the right place about food and body image. I am at a healthy weight, but I still have to battle the wrong thinking. I know there are SO many women in the world that struggle with this kind of thing. I know I am not alone and I know that God is the only one that can truly change my heart! I also know that God wants my focus to be on Him rather than eating a perfect diet or having a certain body. I think it’s kind of ironic that we (or at least I) can be so caught up in eating a ‘perfect’ diet when in reality the STRESS from trying to do that is probably worse on our health than eating a non-perfect diet!

I know this another picture-less post, but I just wanted to give an honest update 😉

How about you~can you relate to trying to follow too many rules?

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Happy Thursday morning! I can’t believe it’s Thursday already, but I’m glad because that means tomorrow is Friday! That means I don’t have to work tomorrow 8)

I called this post ‘No More Hiding’ because for a while now, I have just been putting along like I am doing grand, when in reality, I have been sliding down the slippery slope of my old obssession with weight and bad body image. I have decided that it is high time I just be honest and admit, I HAVE REALLY BEEN STRUGGLING!! From now on, I plan to just be myself– for better or for worse!

The last few days have been pretty busy and I have still been working on sticking to my goals that I listed in my last post, but I forgot one. It’s a VERY important one too! I forgot to put on my list–DO NOT WEIGH EVERYDAY!! That can get me back into bondage with food and weight issues faster than you can say ‘Bob’s your uncle’ and I unfortunately had been going down that road. So, my goal is to weigh once a week–or every other week would be even better. I know some people don’t believe in weighing at all, but I’m not ready for that yet 😉

I’m going to see my nutritionist next Friday. I haven’t seen her in over a year and am looking forward to it. I just feel like I need some help getting my head on straight as far as what is best for my body and health. I am also having to step away from reading as many blogs for a while. Sometimes, the more I read, the more confused I get. I put VERY high expectations on myself and then beat myself up if I can’t meet them.

I have also started an online Bible study called ‘In His Image’ that really focuses on finding acceptance and satisfaction in Christ instead of a certain weight etc. AND, I have ordered a book called ‘You Are Not What You Weigh’. I have read this book before and I would recommend it to anyone who has ever struggled with body image etc. I am obviously trying to be very proactive in my fight against old habits! I think if we just sit back and let things slide–we get into BIG trouble!

1 Timothy 1:18-19 says, “I give you this instruction… so that by following them you may fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience.” I am trying to fight the good fight and hold on to faith instead of clinging to the worthless idol of being a certain weight.

Okay, so that was my honesty for the day–now on to some food!

I had the BEST brunch the other day. I bet ya’ll didn’t know that I LOVE burritos! Well, I do. I started out planning to make a tofu and potato hash and it turned into a black bean and potato hash instead. I adore anything with black beans so this really hit the spot!

black bean and tator hash

I shredded a few red potatoes in the food processor and placed them in a skillet with a little oil. Then I added onions, red pepper, zucchini and 1 can black beans. Then I put some of this mixture in a warm brown rice tortilla with a little salsa and pepperjack flavored soy cheese.

my burrito:)

That was the BEST meal I have had in a long time! I am discovering that there are certain types of foods that really get me in the mood to cook, but more about that another day 🙂

Gosh, I better go! It’s not Friday yet, which means I DO have to work today! Hope you all have a fantabulous day 😉

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Hello again from Florida! We are having a great time and really getting some much needed R&R 😉

This post isn’t really about Florida though. It’s about my heart and a confession that I must get off of my chest. Are you ready? 🙂 I am SO TIRED of trying to eat a certain way!! After reading this post by Katie the other day, I had to do some soul searching. I have been struggling for a while now with this whole ‘good’ food, ‘bad’ food thing! I am all happy if I eat ‘good’ foods, but OVERWHELMED with guilt if I eat ‘bad’ foods. I have struggled with food for YEARS and I’m tellin’ ya, it is exhausting! It is certainly not ‘Living Free’!!

So, this morning, I had to spend a good long time talking to God about this. I know in  my head that He loves me even if I eat a brownie and ice cream, but in my heart I always feel guilt. That is NOT guilt from HIM, it is guilt I am putting on myself and I have to learn to STOP!! As Katie said, ‘Diet is NOT a religion.’ AMEN sister!! If diet is the most important thing to me, then what does that say about my relationship with God–umm, not good. I’ve also really enjoyed seeing Heather letting go of some food rules due to pregnancy. I am NOT pregnant, but I DO need to let go of some food rules! It is SO helpful to me to see that other bloggers sometimes eat what a lot of people would label as ‘bad’ foods and they didn’t die or turn into blimps! Check out Heather’s guest post on Maggie’s blog!

TODAY my main goal will be whether I am pleasing GOD and enjoying the life He has given me–NOT whether I am eating perfectly or not. Believe me, it is HARD to eat perfectly at home, much less on vacation 😉 I am praying that God will help me be balanced in my thinking about my body image and balanced in my eating. I think I honeslty don’t know what that looks like most of the time. Usually, if I am eating really healthy, it is because I am forcing myself to do it–it’s more of a performance mentality or fear of getting fat!  Note added: I don’t mean to sound as if I don’t enjoy anything healthy 🙂 There are all kinds of healthy foods that I don’t have to force myself to eat. I just mean that sometimes I choose something because I think it is healthier when I really would rather have something else. Make sense?

So, there you have it–honesty as it’s best worst. How do you keep balance in your eating and body image? Really, I need some tips 😉 Eating healthy, exercising and staying fit have never been about balance for me and I really need to change that!

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Do any of you remember that old song called ‘Won’t you take me to Funky Town’? I remember like yesterday the year I got that record for Christmas. Yes, that was before the beloved CD’s, i-pods etc. I loved playing that record on my good ol’ fashion record player. Some of you may be too young to remember that song, but it was a huge hit back then.

So, this past week I have been in Funky Town! Now, I’m singing ‘Won’t you get me out of Funky Town’?!! I have had NO desire to blog or be transparent with anyone (except a lovely fellow blogger who has been SO kind to let me e-mail her with my woes 🙂 ). What can I say? Holidays are HARD! It seems like everything is centered around food–and food has not felt like my friend lately. I have been trying to follow the Anti-Candida Diet and was very successful–for 11 days. Then, I got on a slippery slope that I have had trouble getting off of. Eleven glorious days of NO cheating and then BOOM! What happened? I have no idea, other than sugar won 😦 Ricki, I think I am back to day 1 !

Now, it’s time to get back on the wagon and hang on for dear life! This Anti-Candida thing is a wild ride that I would much rather NOT go on, but I don’t really have a choice. Who knew that yeasty beasties could be SO stubborn. I’m pretty stubborn, but I think this takes the cake–literally! I would love to have a piece of cake!!

This slippery slope has led to another slippery slope that I MUST get off of–NOW!! You see, I have this pattern. I try REALLY hard to do the right thing, I fail, I get angry with myself=restricting. My rational thinking this week has been ‘It is better to not eat at all than to eat and take a chance on the sugar/gluten monster winning’. Restricting can make everything seem under control–for a moment.  Problem is, my gut starts SCREAMING for food, I get light headed, I get depressed, I get angry because I’m hungry etc.

So, what do I do when I am really not loving food but am surrounded by it everywhere I go? I just have to do the best I can. That’s all I can do. I don’t know what tomorrow is going to look like. I don’t have a clue if I’m going to be able to fight the cravings when they come. I don’t know what to take to eat when I go to gatherings. I don’t know if this yeast will EVER go away!  About the only thing I DO know is that God gave me grace to get through 11 days and HIS grace does not run out!  I have to cling to that with everything in me. I have NO hope apart from HIM!

I hope you all are enjoying this Holiday season. Remember, it’s NOT about the food or the gifts! The only reason we can celebrate this Christmas is because Christ was born to come and save us from ourselves! I need HIM everyday. I am a hopeless case without Him 😉

MERRY CHRISTMAS

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Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone and I have been loving some new recipes! First of all, I am happy to say I made it through the holiday without even sniffing gluten or sugar! Yay me 😉 I was a little lot worried that I would not be able to resist all the traditional food. So, I made sure to take my own and basically stayed away from the large table of food at my mom’s. I have been learning more about the anti-candida diet and really prayed hard that God would help me stick to it! He answered my prayer 🙂

My Thanksgiving day started off with a yummy HOT breakfast–southwestern style. I have realized that I do much better with a BIG HOT breakfast–not cold and raw (more about that later). Here are a few I have been enjoying.

1 egg + 2 whites, cooked peppers, onions and black beans over spinach

More eggs, peppers, onions and black beans over spaghetti sqaush

Coconut flour pancakes with Sweet Almond Sauce--OMG!!

Did I mention I have a new BFF? I don’t think she knows it yet, but Ricki at Diet, Dessert and Dogs is saving my life with this Anti-Candida thing!! Thanks a million Ricki! I still have SO many more recipes to explore! The recipe for the Sweet Almond Sauce is here and it is to die for!!

Lunch on Thanksgiving day was:

Kale Salad with Sweet Potato Fries

These recipes were also on Ricki’s blog🙂 I’m afraid sweet tators may be out for me for a while though–they make me crave sugar! UGH!

Dinner on Thanksgiving:

Anti-Candida Stew

Yet another wonderful recipe from Diet, Dessert and Dogs! I used quinoa instead of rice and I did put the sweet potato, but will probably leave it out next time. I took this with me to my mom’s and didn’t touch anything else. I KNEW if I took even ONE bite of the traditional food, my taste buds would go BONKERS and I would be in trouble!

Dessert on Thanksgiving:

Tofu Carob Pudding (sugar free:)

I’m still not sure that tofu works for me, but it was certainly better than eating sugar and gluten. Tofu doesn’t make my stomach hurt, but I have noticed some unpleasant reactions to it. I think it is worth eating occasionally, but I couldn’t eat it every day.

So, basically, Ricki saved my Thanksgiving. I LOVE the blogging world. We have never even met and yet blogs are SO helpful!

Just a quick note about the raw diet in my life. I went to the ND the other day and she and I both think it is best if I just concentrate on staying away from sugar and gluten. With my past eating history, too many rules was REALLY freaking me out! Food was VERY quickly becoming my enemy and I just can NOT go there again. So, I will eat raw when I want (like kale salad) and cooked when I want. I’m sure it will be more cooked than raw and that has to be okay–if for no other reason than to keep my sanity! Eating disorders are a powerful form of bondage that I don’t want any part of–EVER AGAIN!! I have to see food as fuel and as my friend,and I wasn’t seeing it that way when trying to follow so many rules. I am feeling MUCH better emotionally since coming to this place with my diet 😀 I know there are rules to follow on the anti-candida diet, but I think it is easier than trying to do mostly raw. I’m not much into raw eggs, but have been loving them scrambled for my breakfast!

Better run now. I think my daughter and I are going to try to go to a movie today and maybe do a little window shopping 🙂 Hope you have a blessed weekend!


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I have been enjoying avocados immensely lately! But, I have also been reminded of a funny story about avocados. A couple of years ago, I was in the store picking through the avocados when this complete stranger came up to me and proceeded to tell me which avocado I should buy. Now, her advice was not bad and in fact I probably needed to be told which one was the best. I had just discovered avocados at that time. There were a couple of problems though. First of all, I did not ask for her advice and most importantly, I let her tell me what to do and I did NOT even know her!! You may ask what the big deal is. Well, I was SO mad at myself because my whole life has been about pleasing other people. I let a complete stranger tell me what was best for me! When I got home from the store and was telling a friend what had happened, she laughed at how easily swayed I am. Now, every time I do something JUST to please someone else, she reminds me of the avocado lady.

Why am I bringing this story up? Well, I have really been struggling with doing what other people say is best–even if I KNOW it may not be what is best for me. This happens mostly with my diet and health. I read something and think–‘oh, I should do that’. I think what brought this on is the fact that I stopped doing a food diary–after THREE years of doing it EVERY single day. I know it sounds silly, but somehow that food diary was a comfort for me and a way to still feel in control. Eating disorders are all about control and I ‘thought’ I had let go of all that. I am finding out differently. Since not doing my food diary, I find myself FREAKING OUT at night trying to add up everything in my head. I couldn’t even watch a movie the other night for going over my food a gazillion times in my head!! Then, that turns into—‘I should do this diet or that diet because so and so is doing it and it is working for them’. I HAVE come a LONG way in my healing from an eating disorder. I’m not saying that I am still in the grips of it. I’m not! I just get angry with myself for not listening to MY body. I was telling someone the other day about an ND (Dr. of natural medicine) that I was thinking of going to. I felt like it would be a really good thing for me to do—until I talked to this person and heard their negative opinion. Then, all of a sudden, I didn’t think it was such a good idea anymore. Why do I have to be SO influenced by what others think? I have no idea. I am thankful that I am aware of it and that I can work on it though. I need God to help me listen to HIM, not what everyone else tells me!

Now, on to some yummy eats–with avocado of course!

blog pictures 476Salad with avocado and sprouted quinoa

blog pictures 528Raw zucchini salad from Heather’s blog. I added sprouted mung beans. This is one of my new all time favorites:)

blog pictures 480Avocado pudding with Hemp protein powder(chocolate)

blog pictures 541Avocado, tomatoes, and sprouts on gluten free sprouted bread

blog pictures 542Guacamole chicken salad with broccoli sprouts wrapped in romaine

Now, before you gasp over all those avocados I have consumed–never fear, I did NOT eat all of that in one day. This is food I have eaten over the last week or two. Had I eaten all of that in one day, I WOULD have something to worry about:) Man, I’m eating a lot of sprouts too! Didn’t realize that.

As for my struggle with doing what is best for ME, I will continue to work towards a diet that is healthy and works for MY tummy. I CAN NOT  worry about low-carb, grain free, raw, veggie or any other ‘diet’. Pray for me:) My stinkin’ thinkin’ gets me in trouble every time!

Oh, I have signed up for a HOT Yoga class!! I can’t wait! It starts tomorrow night. I have been reading up on it so that I kind of know what to expect–that would be SWEAT–A LOT!! I’ll let ya know how it goes–if I survive:)

What are your favorite ways to eat avocado?

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This may be a lengthy post–so hang on to your hats:)

Today has been an interesting day. I woke up at 4:30am with my tummy still rebelling from something. The key word there is ‘something’! By 6am, I was starving! So, I had some ice cream. Ice cream for breakfast is always a good thing and this ice cream was SO healthy–I didn’t even have to feel guilty.

blog pictures 448This was inspired by Heather’s green ice cream. I don’t remember exactly what I put in mine. I know it had coconut milk, coconut milk yogurt, spinach, PlantFusion protein powder, carob, honey and guar gum. When I got it out of the ice cream maker, I thought it looked just like mud! Well, it certainly didn’t taste like mud. I had it for dinner last night because I didn’t feel like eating anything else and then had it again this morning.

With my ice cream breakfast, I also had my sprouted bread that I mentioned in the last post. Sorry, no picture! I had to put it promptly in the freezer to keep from gorging on it. It was THE BEST gluten free bread I have EVER made!! I have read that soaking grains makes them taste better and boy am I a believer! I am now experimenting with a fermented (kind of like sourdough) gluten free bread. Guess what I’m using for the ‘sourdough’ starter–OATGURT! WooHoo:) I am trying to get away from using tapioca and arrowroot starch. The fermented bread doesn’t have startches like that. It is also yeast, dairy and egg free–without me having to tweak it. Now, that’s amazing! Here is the link for the soaked bread that I ate this morning.

Gluten Free Sprouted/Soaked Multi-Grain Bread

I had an appointment with my nutritionist today. It was pretty depressing. Basically, she doesn’t know what to tell me anymore. It’s NOT her fault. My body just has a mind of it’s own and it doesn’t want to co-operate. She has told me everything she knows to tell me, and well, things just aren’t working. My food diaries are not very helpful these days because most of the time, there is no rhyme or reason for my pain.  The only good news was that I have maintained my weight since my last visit. So, after THREE years of her trying to walk me through my eating disorder and my Celiac and other food allergies, I walked out without making another appointment. I have been a HARD case for her! I walked out feeling like a hopeless case–BUT I CAN’T let myself stay there! So, what did I do?

blog pictures 452I bought a book:) Have I ever told you what a SUCKER I am for books? Well, I LOVE books! Unfortunately, that is what I want to buy when I’m feeling bummed out. Now, you may be asking yourself why on earth I bought a raw food book. Good question:) Am I going raw? No. I bought it because it talks a lot about fermenting and soaking and sprouting. I am ALL into that these days! Plus, it has really pretty pictures! I love books with pretty pictures even more than boring books:) My hubby will probably shoot me when he sees it, but I figure with all the money I’m going to save by not going to the nutritionist–Hey, this is cheap! By the way, if you are interested in the raw diet, you should check out LovIN my tummy!

I took a spinach smoothie with me to my appt. and then when I got home I had:

Cherries with dark chocolate and coconut milk

blog pictures 419AND:

An allergy free snack bar that sweet Marissa recommended. I put just a smidgen of sunbutter on it:)

blog pictures 447

So, what’s for dinner? I HAVE NO IDEA!

I need a nap! I AM going to post the recipe I use for coconut milk yogurt and my bean burgers ASAP. This post is just getting too long:) So, stay tuned for recipes! I’m going to crash now! Be back later when I can actually type!

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.”  Psalm 62: 5-6

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