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Happy Thursday morning! I can’t believe it’s Thursday already, but I’m glad because that means tomorrow is Friday! That means I don’t have to work tomorrow 8)

I called this post ‘No More Hiding’ because for a while now, I have just been putting along like I am doing grand, when in reality, I have been sliding down the slippery slope of my old obssession with weight and bad body image. I have decided that it is high time I just be honest and admit, I HAVE REALLY BEEN STRUGGLING!! From now on, I plan to just be myself– for better or for worse!

The last few days have been pretty busy and I have still been working on sticking to my goals that I listed in my last post, but I forgot one. It’s a VERY important one too! I forgot to put on my list–DO NOT WEIGH EVERYDAY!! That can get me back into bondage with food and weight issues faster than you can say ‘Bob’s your uncle’ and I unfortunately had been going down that road. So, my goal is to weigh once a week–or every other week would be even better. I know some people don’t believe in weighing at all, but I’m not ready for that yet 😉

I’m going to see my nutritionist next Friday. I haven’t seen her in over a year and am looking forward to it. I just feel like I need some help getting my head on straight as far as what is best for my body and health. I am also having to step away from reading as many blogs for a while. Sometimes, the more I read, the more confused I get. I put VERY high expectations on myself and then beat myself up if I can’t meet them.

I have also started an online Bible study called ‘In His Image’ that really focuses on finding acceptance and satisfaction in Christ instead of a certain weight etc. AND, I have ordered a book called ‘You Are Not What You Weigh’. I have read this book before and I would recommend it to anyone who has ever struggled with body image etc. I am obviously trying to be very proactive in my fight against old habits! I think if we just sit back and let things slide–we get into BIG trouble!

1 Timothy 1:18-19 says, “I give you this instruction… so that by following them you may fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience.” I am trying to fight the good fight and hold on to faith instead of clinging to the worthless idol of being a certain weight.

Okay, so that was my honesty for the day–now on to some food!

I had the BEST brunch the other day. I bet ya’ll didn’t know that I LOVE burritos! Well, I do. I started out planning to make a tofu and potato hash and it turned into a black bean and potato hash instead. I adore anything with black beans so this really hit the spot!

black bean and tator hash

I shredded a few red potatoes in the food processor and placed them in a skillet with a little oil. Then I added onions, red pepper, zucchini and 1 can black beans. Then I put some of this mixture in a warm brown rice tortilla with a little salsa and pepperjack flavored soy cheese.

my burrito:)

That was the BEST meal I have had in a long time! I am discovering that there are certain types of foods that really get me in the mood to cook, but more about that another day 🙂

Gosh, I better go! It’s not Friday yet, which means I DO have to work today! Hope you all have a fantabulous day 😉

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Okay, so I didn’t stay away very long did I? I still haven’t had time for pics or interesting meals for that matter, but wanted to give a quick update on my P90X journey. In short, it’s over–for now at least. I’m pretty bummed about it but I wanted to explain why the sudden halt. In two words–STREP THROAT!! I have been sick for the last 4-5 days and have been glued to my couch for the past 3! I don’t know which is worse, working my fingers to the bone or being couch ridden for days!

I felt that it was important for me to share something I have learned over the last few days. Actually, this is NOT a new lesson for me, I just don’t always remember lessons learned. So, what is this profound lesson? PUSHING TOO HARD LEADS TO ILLNESS!! I’m not saying it is that way for everybody, but for MY BODY I need to remember my ‘limits’.

When I saw the Dr. the other day, he asked me how my gluten free diet was going and I had to be honest and tell him–not so good. I ate poorly on vacation and just sort of continued that pattern after returning home. On top of poor diet, I began intense exercise and was also working more than usual. All this put together spells disaster for me! This is the first time I have had strep since being diagnosed with Celiac several years ago. Before my diagnoses, I had strep over and over! Eating bad=very bad immune system!

I have also had to re-examine my motives in starting something as intense as P90x when I have struggled so much with being well and staying well. I have been asking myself over the last few days if looking a certain way is worth it and my answer is a BIG NO!! I will admit that I have been struggling with contentment with the body God gave me and I have been figuring out ways to change my body at the expense of good health.

Where do I go from here? I plan on really paying attention to eating foods that give me life and health and staying away from those that bring illness to my body. I also plan on getting back to what I LOVEwalking in the country and Yoga! If I do any P90X at all, it will only be a workout every now and then–for instance to focus on abs, legs etc.  I will also STOP counting calories, carbs, fat etc. That alone has been enough to drive me bananas!

I am totally aware of the fact that I can not do any of this without the grace of God, but I also know that He loves to lavish His children with plenty of grace. 😉 I learned in my Bible study today that we are to do ALL things to the glory of God. If I am just wanting to look a certain way, eat a certain way, or exercise a certain way to bring glory to myself, then my motives are really screwed up.

I need LOTS of prayer to be able to:

1-STOP counting everything I eat

2-Eat foods that bring health and life to my body

3-Stay away from foods that harm my body

4-Do the exercise that I love because I love it!

I love walks in the country

AND

YOGA:)

“So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it ALL for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

Is there anything in your life that you need to step back and re-examine your motives? Why do you eat a certain way or exercise a certain way?

I know this was a little long and maybe boring, but I would love feedback. I’m hoping to post often about how I’m doing with  my new goals, so please stop back by 😉

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3 new babies:)

My cat Lyla had her babies while we were in Florida! She had three little cuties and she is being such a good mama 🙂 Now time to schedule a spaying!

I have had a VERY hard time getting back to real life since arriving home on Sunday afternoon–hence the no blogging. I want to say ‘THANK YOU’ for the supportive comments on my last post.

My vacation was total bliss but my tummy ended up a WRECK!! We ate out way more than I anticipated and even though I tried to eat ‘safe’ foods, you just never know what you are truly getting when eating out. I did however find a really cool place called Cosimos that had a full gluten free menu. I thought I had died and gone to heaven! Look what I got:

and this: gluten free carrot cake

Gluten Free carrot cake!

This was by far the best meal I had while on vacation! I really splurged here with grains and dairy, but by this point, my gut was rebelling against everything I ate. So, I figured why not enjoy it 8) Hubby and I ate the leftover pizza for lunch the next day before hitting the road.

Here are some random pics of the week:

We watched the sunset almost every evening–breath taking!!

watched the sunset almost every evening-breath taking!

20 YEARS and counting:)

Twenty years and counting!!

 We really had such a great time and I am SO thankful we had the opportunity to go. But, back to real life means back to work so I better scoot.

Ephesians 5:31 ” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

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I just want to warn you, I am in a horrific slump!! Remember in my last post how I was saying that I did NOT cheat at my son’s birthday? Well, all that came crashing down Friday night!! Birthday cake sitting on the table for 3 stinkin’ days is NEVER a good thing. Yes, I went WAY off of my diet! Yes, I made myself sick–not from how much I ate, but WHAT I ate (stuff I am allergic to). So, Saturday was spent trying to recover. Then, do you think I learned my lesson? Apparently not because I did the same thing Saturday night!! UGH! I went to bed buried in guilt and feeling like a complete failure and woke up with illness staring me in the face (and gut:). I felt like all the progress I made the first week of my diet was for nothing. I DID feel like what the ND told me to do WAS working! Now, I am starting all over. I HATE starting over!!

I think I know one thing that caused my BIG slip ups. Oatgurt has been one of the foods that I was filling up on and enjoying immensely. Well, I realized on Thursday that it was ferociously feeding my candida problem!! OMG! Oatgurt, I thought you were my friend! So, I cut it out and my poor tummy was feeling pretty lonely. My foods are SO limited right now, and I needed that to help keep me full! I can’t stay full on spinach and kale my friends!

Yesterday, I tried to eat more fat with raw homemade coconut milk and raw homemade sunbutter. That didn’t work either because too much fat is hard on my tummy.

So, where am I today? Well, up until 4pm, I had nothing but green juices (and I do mean green–no apple or carrot for this girl). Then, I had some lettuce wraps with homemade kraut, sprouts, green onions, and raw seed mix.

blog pictures 615

I am trying to pull myself together. I have tried to stay very positive about my food, or lack thereof, but some days I just can’t do it! I will be honest and say that this diet stinks out loud. It is NOT fun and it is NOT easy. I want to cry a lot. The first few days weren’t so bad, but there are only so many ways to eat spinach, kale, zucchini etc.

I am also reminding myself that GOD is my strength!!! I can’t do this on my own! The Bible says that He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me!! It comforts me to know that HE knows what I am going through even when my family can not even begin to grasp how hard this is. They really do try though:)

Okay, enough belly aching (literally). It’s time to let God scrape me up off the floor and brush me off like a good daddy does:) It makes me want to cry just thinking of how HE ‘kisses’ our ‘boo-boo’s’. I can crawl up in His lap and cry all I want to. He never tires of my belly aching or my falling down. He is SO gracious and merciful to me:)

“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I HAVE HOPE: Because of the Lord’s great love we are NOT consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.”    Lam.3:19-24

I think I’m going to go for a short walk. Already had my nap for the day:) See you guys later and I hope you are all doing well! Thanks for reading and letting me be myself in the midst of it not looking so good:)

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This blueberry frozen yogurt was my dessert after doing about 70 minutes of HOT yoga (at home) and then later going for a 3 mile walk. Whew! This was inspired by Polly’s “bloothie” that I saw on her blog today. Thanks Polly:)

blog pictures 5641 cup homemade coconut milk yogurt

1-1/2 cups frozen blueberries

4Tbs. vanilla protein powder

1 Tbs. raw honey

1 tsp. guar gum

I usually try not to use sweeteners, but I was using hemp protein powder and I thought it might need some help:) I put all ingredients in the food processor and blended until smooth. Then processed in ice cream maker until thick and creamy. You could definitely use a different protein powder, I know a lot of people don’t like hemp. This made two servings.

Okay, today was a SAD day indeed! See this jar? Do you know what goes in that jar? OATGURT!! Notice, it is EMPTY:(

blog pictures 562

I am also O-U-T of spinach! Heaven forbid!! Oatgurt and spinach shortage on the same day! And, I was going to challenge myself to not eat sunbutter today. THAT DID NOT WORK!  Do you know where I’m going tomorrow? Yep, grocery shopping to get lots of yummy green spinach and I have oatgurt fermenting as I type:) I guess I might survive after all. For now, I am going to chill out as I have been rather HOT today:)

“I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.” Psalm 86: 12-13

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I am going to try to keep this short and sweet today:) I have another HUGE cleaning day ahead of me. It has been another really hard work week and I’ll be SO glad when today is over. Tomorrow, I am going to the pool and vegging out!!

I wanted to share the recipe I use to make coconut milk yogurt. I’m not even sure where exactly I found this recipe–somewhere online.

blog pictures 470First of all, let me tell you that cheaper is NOT always better! The coconut milk I got at the Asain Market (the Renuka) for so much cheaper–not so good. It was pretty watery and it had kind of a grayish tint to it. I read in my coconut oil book that milk that color was not made with the best and freshest coconuts. Basically, it’s made with the coconuts that are left after all the best are picked over. Eeeww! I have tried several different brands of coconut milk and the THAI brand is the best. I have also found that the full fat stuff works the best. I tried the light when I was having a temporary relapse in my fear of fat:) Didn’t taste bad–just much runnier. Coconut milk yogurt will always be pretty runny though. I mostly use it for smoothies or over frozen fruit. Yummy!blog pictures 434To make the yogurt you will need three cans of good coconut milk (aka. not the cheap stuff:) I can only use two cans because my yogurt maker won’t hold a jar big enough for three. Anyway, warm your milk to about 125 degrees. I don’t really worry too much about getting it that hot. As long as it’s at least 100 degrees, you will be fine. If you do get it to 125, you need to let it cool to about 100 before adding in your starter. If your milk is too hot, it will kill your starter and then your yogurt would be lacking in good bacteria.

Next, you need to add 1-2Tbs. of honey. This is to give the good bacteria something to ‘feed’ on. If you forget to do this–well, you won’t have yogurt!

After the milk is cooled enough, take out about 1/2 cup and place in a small bowl. To that, add 1/4 cup good quality yogurt. Something like Dannon all natural plain unsweetened is good. Mix the ‘starter’ yogurt into the 1/2 cup coconut milk. Then you can pour this back into the rest of your coconut milk. Stir a little and you are ready to pour into your jar. Make sure the jar is sterile.

blog pictures 471You are now ready to place the yogurt into the yogurt maker.

blog pictures 472Having a yogurt maker is by far the easiest way to ferment the yogurt, but you can do it without one. I have read that a lot of people place it in their oven and leave the light on. I have also used a dehydrator before when I was making a lot of yogurt at one time. I was on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet for a while and was making 4 quarts at a time like that. The main goal is to keep the yogurt between 100-110 degrees for 24-26 hours.

After 24-26 hours, place the yogurt in the fridge for a good while. I usually do it to where mine is ready to go in the fridge before bed and let it chill overnight. Making yogurt is NOT hard. You just really have to make sure the temp. is kept in right range.

Gotta run now:) Hope everyone has a fabulous day!!!!

“For the word of the Lord is right and true; He is faithful in all he does.” Psalm 33:4

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This may be a lengthy post–so hang on to your hats:)

Today has been an interesting day. I woke up at 4:30am with my tummy still rebelling from something. The key word there is ‘something’! By 6am, I was starving! So, I had some ice cream. Ice cream for breakfast is always a good thing and this ice cream was SO healthy–I didn’t even have to feel guilty.

blog pictures 448This was inspired by Heather’s green ice cream. I don’t remember exactly what I put in mine. I know it had coconut milk, coconut milk yogurt, spinach, PlantFusion protein powder, carob, honey and guar gum. When I got it out of the ice cream maker, I thought it looked just like mud! Well, it certainly didn’t taste like mud. I had it for dinner last night because I didn’t feel like eating anything else and then had it again this morning.

With my ice cream breakfast, I also had my sprouted bread that I mentioned in the last post. Sorry, no picture! I had to put it promptly in the freezer to keep from gorging on it. It was THE BEST gluten free bread I have EVER made!! I have read that soaking grains makes them taste better and boy am I a believer! I am now experimenting with a fermented (kind of like sourdough) gluten free bread. Guess what I’m using for the ‘sourdough’ starter–OATGURT! WooHoo:) I am trying to get away from using tapioca and arrowroot starch. The fermented bread doesn’t have startches like that. It is also yeast, dairy and egg free–without me having to tweak it. Now, that’s amazing! Here is the link for the soaked bread that I ate this morning.

Gluten Free Sprouted/Soaked Multi-Grain Bread

I had an appointment with my nutritionist today. It was pretty depressing. Basically, she doesn’t know what to tell me anymore. It’s NOT her fault. My body just has a mind of it’s own and it doesn’t want to co-operate. She has told me everything she knows to tell me, and well, things just aren’t working. My food diaries are not very helpful these days because most of the time, there is no rhyme or reason for my pain.  The only good news was that I have maintained my weight since my last visit. So, after THREE years of her trying to walk me through my eating disorder and my Celiac and other food allergies, I walked out without making another appointment. I have been a HARD case for her! I walked out feeling like a hopeless case–BUT I CAN’T let myself stay there! So, what did I do?

blog pictures 452I bought a book:) Have I ever told you what a SUCKER I am for books? Well, I LOVE books! Unfortunately, that is what I want to buy when I’m feeling bummed out. Now, you may be asking yourself why on earth I bought a raw food book. Good question:) Am I going raw? No. I bought it because it talks a lot about fermenting and soaking and sprouting. I am ALL into that these days! Plus, it has really pretty pictures! I love books with pretty pictures even more than boring books:) My hubby will probably shoot me when he sees it, but I figure with all the money I’m going to save by not going to the nutritionist–Hey, this is cheap! By the way, if you are interested in the raw diet, you should check out LovIN my tummy!

I took a spinach smoothie with me to my appt. and then when I got home I had:

Cherries with dark chocolate and coconut milk

blog pictures 419AND:

An allergy free snack bar that sweet Marissa recommended. I put just a smidgen of sunbutter on it:)

blog pictures 447

So, what’s for dinner? I HAVE NO IDEA!

I need a nap! I AM going to post the recipe I use for coconut milk yogurt and my bean burgers ASAP. This post is just getting too long:) So, stay tuned for recipes! I’m going to crash now! Be back later when I can actually type!

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.”  Psalm 62: 5-6

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